Saturday, July 4, 2009


(AP) Leadville, Colorado

Steve Siguaw, 18-time Leadville Trail 100 mile race finisher, announced today that he is retiring from this grueling high altitude trail race.

“They won’t be able to drag my lifeless body off the course this year”, said Steve who called race director Merilee O’Neal from Trinidad/Tobago via Skype.

The news spread fast.

Oprah announced on her TV show: “Oh my God, my producers and I can’t believe this is happening.”

Dr. Phil was overheard saying, “What in the world is he still doing running that race anyway at his age?”

John Elway, retired NFL Broncos quarterback offered Steve this advice, “don’t get sentimental.”

Newscaster Brian Williams proclaimed, “This is a sad day indeed for the world and the rest of us.”

Former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin who just announced her own retirement as the governor of Alaska offered her observation, “I expect to see him running the trails from my window.”

Al Gore was heard to say, “This must have something to do with global warming or cooling or whatever is happening.”

Steve’s Mother exclaimed, “It’s about time!”

California governor Arnold Schwartzenegger declared, “He will be baaaaack.”

Race founder and 14 time Leadville Trail 100 mile race finisher Ken Chlouber offered, “The next time I fire the starting shotgun I’ll be thinking of Steve who needs some buckshot directed towards his butt to get him motivated.”

Maria, Steve’s ever faithful wife and crew chief said, “No more *$!?%# aid stations at 2 in the morning, hooray!!!

Steve ended his conversation with Merilee by saying,
“There are trails to run and oceans to cross - I’m not dead yet.”

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